If there is one thing I know to be true, it’s that having a strong bond between mother and daughter maximizes positive impact and minimizes risk. And what you do now matters.
Believe me, it starts early.
My parents divorced when I was 9. Ages ago now, but so many of our beliefs and tendencies come from those formative years. My foundation and my sense of security, stability and connection had been rocked. And so I spent the next several years desperately trying to re-establish that security in and connection to anyone, anything.
At the time I felt betrayed. And because it came as such a shock, I struggled to trust. I assumed my parents’ separation was in some way my fault.
I know now of course they were just doing what was best for our family, what was best for them. At the time however, I didn’t. In my quest to make sense of things, I latched onto people, places and things that were no good for me. I ended up in some unhealthy and dangerous situations that had some pretty major consequences.
What I eventually learned as I bounced around looking for what I thought I lacked was that I wasn't going to find what I was looking for from a person, place or thing outside of me. Temporarily, sure. But the short-term solutions I found always led me back to where I started.
What I was really missing was a secure base. We all need it. A person or place to go to. Someone to feel safe with. Someone to trust.
Turns out I may have always had that base within my relationship with my mom, but at the time I couldn't feel it.
In reality, she was always there for me. But it wasn't until much later that I believed it.
Fast-forward to now and our relationship is rock-solid, we just had to do the work.
And that's the ticket. All relationships take work. This one included. And I know from the many women and girls I’ve encountered over the years, my story is not unique. It doesn't have to be a divorce or separation to rock a young girl's world. There are so many minor and major things that happen that can cause insecurity and instability.
Whether your daughter is young or grown, start investing in the relationship now and you will reap what you sow as you move forward together. If your daughter feels security and connection within her relationship with you, she'll feel security and connection within herself as she moves through life.