If you were one of the few who felt the security and connection that you needed within your relationship with your own Mother growing up, celebrate. If you were one of the many that felt that there was something that you needed but didn't get, you’re not alone. And it's not too late.
It doesn't mean you had a bad mother. Or that she has to carry the weight for where you are, or are not currently in your own life. It simply means that there was a disconnect somewhere along the line in providing what you needed in the way that you needed it.
And you now have an opportunity to get it.
Either way, whichever side you feel your relationship is on, there’s always room to strengthen our connections. We will forever need a secure base in our lives.
An ideal start is in the relationship with our mother and our base may eventually move into other relationships. Ultimately, what we want is to end up developing that base within ourselves.
That way, it's always there.
Once we leave childhood and enter adulthood, we are expected to have the foundation that we need to go out into the world and thrive. But some don’t have it. Some still need to work at creating it.
Without it, it becomes very difficult to offer or model it for anyone else.
So now the best place to start is creating it within ourselves. To develop a loving relationship with the person inside.
So let's acknowledge that it needs to happen. That we want to have a rock-solid relationship with ourselves. That we are ready to commit to giving ourselves everything that we need. That we deserve it.
Then we show up consistently. We get curious. We regard our thoughts, actions and behaviours as clues as to what we really need but may not be getting.
We may think we have a good relationship with ourselves, but like all relationships, this one also takes work.
Here’s a few tips on where to start and how to strengthen your relationship with yourself:
1) Make sure the way you speak to yourself is positive and encouraging. If it's not, change it. Take note of the things that you tell yourself on a daily basis. Would you speak to your closest friend, even your daughter that way?
2) Set aside regular time to check in with yourself. What’s currently working? What can you celebrate? What needs to change? What are the first simple steps you could take to make it happen?
3) Decide which things you want to say yes to and which ones you want to say no to. Honour those. When we have strong boundaries we teach ourselves that we are capable of doing what is best for us.
4) Get to know yourself. Make a list of 5 things that you are currently interested in. How can you explore those or incorporate them more into your life? Join a mailing list? Take a class? Develop a morning ritual?
Strong relationships are built on a series of small moments in which we consistently show up and choose connection over anything else. Over being right. Over being rigid. Over being passive. Over being small. Start today.
Stay with me as we continue to dive into the importance and beauty of connection.