In the beginning the ideal base for a girl is her mother. The unique dynamic between mother and daughter offers a powerful opportunity to create security, stability and connection outside of ourselves until we learn to create that base within. The relationship ends up being a model for the trust and confidence we need in order to thrive.
A lot of pressure? It sure is. But it doesn't have to be. There are easy, tangible tips and tools to create that base between you and your daughter. Or simply strengthen it so that she learns how to also create it within herself.
To start, meet her where she’s at.
One of the most important things to note is that through her sometimes challenging words, actions and behaviour, what she is really asking for is love in the form of connection. In the way that she needs it. So that she feels secure and safe as she navigates through our overwhelming world.
How do you do this? Begin by knowing that it is not personal. She loves you and she needs you.
Consider her behaviour a clue. A hint dropped that she needs something that she is not getting.
And then make the bold move to sit down and genuinely, and without defense, ask her what she needs.
If she is unsure or struggles to put it into words, give her some options. A hug? Space? Time together to talk? Recognition? Explanation?
The more you do this, the more she will learn that you are there for her with her best interests at heart. You teach her that she can come to you. That she can ask for what she needs. And that she is safe to express herself. She also learns to let things out before they build to a boiling point.
Have these reminders close by, in your connection-building toolkit:
1) Remember it’s not personal. She loves you and she needs you
2) Consider her behaviour to be asking for something that she needs but isn’t getting
3) Ask her to find out what it is
4) And then give it to her
We only ever need to start with something simple to see growth and forward movement begin. Today’s the day.