Choose Yourself First

As humans we are obsessed with being chosen. It drives so much of our daily lives.

It presents in the clothes we wear, the things we talk about and the relationships we surround ourselves with. It also means we’re so concerned with being accepted or loved or ultimately chosen by someone else, we lose sight of what we need and want for ourselves.

It fuels competition and comparison and leads to incredible pressure and expectation being placed on us. It means that we come from a place of fear as we've lost sight of love.

I remember being in a past relationship in which I told my partner often that I chose him. Towards the end of our relationship I realised that he never said the same thing to me. So I asked him about it. He very honestly said that he couldn't say it because he couldn't do it. He couldn't choose me.

At the time this was devastating to hear. We were building a life together and it meant that life now had to end. But what was most interesting was that it made us realise that at some point we had both stopped choosing ourselves. We no longer put ourselves first. And we became lost in each other.

After we separated and the dust had settled, it was his bravery in being honest and true in that moment that saved us any further heartache. It meant we were both free to choose again. To stop and re-direct towards what we really needed. What we really wanted.

I did more of what I needed to do. I took better care of myself. I made more fulfilling decisions. I took greater risks. I became the person I was meant to the moment I stopped focusing on the acceptance from outside and embracing it from within. When we choose ourselves first, everything else can unfold as it should.

Skip ahead and I've learned. I'm now in a relationship in which I am not choosing him so that he chooses me. I choose him because I have already chosen me. Because I now choose me first. 

It is one of the greatest things that you can do for yourself and your relationships. It's not selfish, it's survival. How can you choose yourself today?

Share this with your daughter. Or mother. Or friend.

Love & Choose Fiercely,

Carmen