Boundaries... Love them or hate them we ALL need them. And strong ones at that. When we're out of balance and feeling off-track our boundaries are weak. When are boundaries are weak, we're out of balance and feel off-track.
And so the cycle goes. Until we recognize the problem and STOP. Stop over-giving, stop saying yes when we want to say no, stop making excuses and justifying behaviours, stop allowing others to influence and take up precious time and space in our world when it just doesn't serve us.
The thing about boundaries is this: the STRONGER and CLEARER you are about them, the MORE (not LESS!) lovable you become. Managing people's expectations is one of the quickest and easiest ways to drastically improve your relationships.
However, we simply aren't taught HOW to create and maintain strong boundaries. But it IS something we can learn.
I've been as guilty as any for not drawing clear lines in the sand. And it got to the point where I absolutely had to make a change. I couldn't live depleted, exhausted and resentful anymore.
I was saying yes without even knowing what my TRUE YES was. I over-committed, over-delivered and over-looked what I really needed for the sake of others. I told myself that others needed me. By always being available I was somehow becoming a better person. Doing what I was SUPPOSED to do. I filled the cups of others while allowing my own to become empty.
I became ANGRY and RESENTFUL when I felt like I had no time for myself. I made passive-agressive comments, received unsolicited advice, closed myself off to others and would lay in bed at night replaying what I wish I would have said or done instead.
If you can relate to any of this, let me tell you, you are NOT alone. Lack of clear, strong boundaries is one of the biggest barriers we have on the road to a more fulfilling life.
Stay tuned as we dive into what we can DO about it and the small changes we can make to improve ourselves and our relationships. Until then...